Jika terdapat sebarang cadangan, anda boleh menyatakan candangan anda di mana-mana entri yang dipos-lajukan di sini. Sebarang hasutan berunsur fitnah adalah tidak dibenarkan di sini.

Saturday, October 29, 2011



*A/N: it's so hard to make this chapter! sigh... sorry for the late update ^__^... hope u'll enjoy reading it! Thanks Skye Lin, my beta reader :) *

Now, imagine yourself holding someone u love while u r sleeping... it's heaven! 


I can’t remember how I ended up here, trapped under the warm blanket and equally warm-hard, heaving chest. There’s a strong smell all over me; not bad at all. The air smells musky, a bit salty, like the ocean; the smell of sweat. My sleepy brain was trying to recall every single thing that happened last night. I glance over my left wrist, looking over my watch. It’s still early, barely passing five in the morning. 

I felt something strong pulling me closer, forcing the left side of my head to meet the wet, pulsing warm neck. I saw a pale strong arm drape over my waist. I can perfectly feel my left side being wet over the warmth radiated by the other body. Then, I heard the sound of his breathing. It sounds sickeningly hard to me. Worries were seeping over my mind, taking over my sleepy state. I’m in my bed with Park Yoochun. 

I move my head to get a better look at his sleeping face. His hair is sticking at the sides of his face and forehead. Beads of sweat were marring his pale face. Everything beautiful on Ayden is even clearer on Yoochun. Even in this state, he looks devilishly like a fallen angel. A question keeps on resonating within my head. “What happened last night?” I close my eyes, trying to recall everything.

My body felt awfully tired. It almost felt sick. His body starts to move, and then came along his coughing fit. His back faced me. I can only rub his back with never ending concern. Then, his warm arms draped over me again, pulling me closer when his coughing fiasco seemed to recede. I can perfectly feel how my heart seems to stop beating at his needy embrace. I perfectly knew it’ll be the end of me if I stay. 
I’m not supposed to be here. Dear God, again, what am I doing here anyway? 


Earlier that night... 

It’s already twelve o’clock at night. I closed my sister’s bedroom’s door. I had just come back from my own room, visiting the sick Yoochun. My stomach tinged with uneasiness as I remember his restless figure, sleeping on my bed. He looks eerily pale, too pale for my own liking- almost gray with a tinge of flushed pink over his cheeks. My mum forbids me from covering his shivering body with more blankets in order to reduce his body temperature. 

I stayed for a while, keeping him accompanied. Half an hour passed as he starts to rant indistinct stuff in English, Japanese, and then Korean, and mix them all over again under his medicine induced sleep. He was murmuring things I didn’t understand, calling out for his mom, for Junsu, for Jaejoong. He repeated Jaejoong’s name more than five times, and then it hits me. I remember Jaejoong’s call earlier. 

“Something is happening to Junsu. I have to go back to Seoul tonight. I’ll come back again later.” I recall Jaejoong’s voice was surprisingly calm. 

“What happened to Junsu, Jaejoong-sshi? Is he okay?” I remember asking him that question. 

“I got a message from Changmin saying that Junsu was hospitalized last night. I thought nothing was serious, but then again, Yunho said he’s in critical condition. If you could, please tell Yoochun about Junsu. I can’t reach him at all.” 

The sound of Yoochun’s continuous coughing fit snapped me back to my present time. I went back to my room after that, thinking real hard on how to coax Yoochun to go back to Seoul, to Junsu, to his old life. I was sitting on my sister’s bed when I heard Yoochun’s coughing fit start all over again next door. I ran over to my room because I clearly heard his voice calling out for me. He’s no longer sleeping, leaning weakly over the headboard, clutching his stomach and heaving chest, trying to stop his lungs from giving out another fit. 

“Elle—“His eyes were red and moist. His breathing ragged. 

“Are you okay? Do you want anything?” I walk over as fast as I can in order to shorten our distance, sitting over my bed, next to his shaking body. He’s wearing a baby blue loose shirt and black cotton sleeping pants. They were already soaked with his sweat. I move my right hand just to reach over him, wanting to touch his sweat-soaked forehead. He leans into my touch. Painful tears start to stream down his cheeks. I saw how his forehead formed a deep crease as he winced, holding himself from having another coughing fiasco. Witnessing that, I panicked. “Hey, are you okay?” I push his body down slowly so that he’s resting his weak body on the bed, not the hard headboard. “Does any part of your body hurt?” He nodded and coughs some more. 

I jumped back when Yoochun shot out of the bed and practically ran to the bathroom. I heard the retching sounds of him throwing up the contents of his stomach and instantly went after him. Thank god I have my own bathroom. Thankfully, he had made it to the toilet and was now lying slumped against it, groaning and clutching at his stomach. I walked to the sink and grabbed a small towel, soaking it in cold water and then kneeling down next to him, wiping his face with it. “Are you done throwing up?” I asked softly while grasping his shoulder so that he is leaning to me. 

He nodded weakly. “I’m c-cold.” He looks up at me while I wipe him clean with the wet towel. “Why is it so c-cold?” I chuckle at his query. I gave him a glass of water to clean his mouth. He did as I told him to do. 

“Now let’s get you back into bed.” I flushed the toilet, reach over another towel and wrapped it over his shivering body. “Take off your shirt. I’ll get you a clean one. Just wait here.” I help him change his clothes after that, tuck him back into bed. He grumbled in protest when I ignore his request for more blankets to cover his shivering body. 


“Mmm?” He groans slowly in response. He’s already half asleep. He pulls the blanket over his head in order to get warmer. 

“Are you awake?” 

“Yes, everything hurts.” His feeble voice came from beneath the blanket. I pulled the blankets down a bit to see his face. A spear of sympathy tore me from inside. I place my hands on his cheeks to see if the fever subsided, but was dismayed by the fact that he is getting even warmer. 

“You’re burning up again.” I mumbled. The sallow look around his eyes is making me worried. He nodded meekly and leaned closer to my touch. I couldn’t find it in my heart to leave him, so I sat there; continuing to stroke his sweat-soaked hair out of his face. I’m at loss looking at him like this. I stay like that for quite some time until his breathing evened out, until I thought he was finally resting in deep slumber. 

I was about to leave him when I heard his raspy voice asking where I was going. I don’t have it in my heart to tell him I’m about to leave him alone tonight. “Where are you going?” He asked again. His warm hand was blindly grasping on my right wrist weakly. “Don’t leave…” He pulls me to sit next to him. “I’m c-cold…” His shaking hands grabbed my shoulder, demanding me to lay down with him. 

I don’t know where my energy had flown at that moment. I just felt really tired, and lying down in his embrace seems like an ideal offer. I absentmindedly let him snuggle closely to me, breathing warm air straight to the side of my neck as he nestled his head at the base of it. His arms were possessively encircling my body. I froze. 

“He’s very sick, he’s gay and he’s cold... He’s very sick, he’s gay and he’s cold, Elle...” I remembered chanting those words over and over again in my head. Now I remembered how I ended up being in the same bed with him. 


It’s already 5:20 am; I sensed that he’s awake. “Are you feeling warmer now?” I asked, absentmindedly tracing my fingers over his left arm. I felt a sudden fear to touch him. I heard him slowly groaning. His left hand is no longer draped over me, but placed on his temple. He grimaced. “Are you feeling better?” I remove his palm, testing his body temperature using my palm. I sighed in relief. He might still have the fever, but he’s cooling down. I moved away and sat next to him on the bed. I reached over the small table next to my bed where my mum put some water there. I passed a glass full of water to him; he drank a little with some difficulty. 
He looks so vulnerable to me. I saw his eyes blinking weakly a few times, and then he smiled weakly to me. I know he’s thanking me. He lay back on his right side, facing my sitting figure. I stroke his wet hair, and he leans closer to me. “You are warm.” He mumbles; sounding so raspy from all the coughing. I chuckle at his words. 

“Where’s Ayden?” His eyes were wandering, searching for Ayden. 

“He’s sleeping with my parents.” I sensed his relief when I saw his harden expression while searching for Ayden seems to soften immediately. 

“Elle,” He murmured my name. It catches my attention by his shaky tone. 

“What is it, Yoochun-sshi?” I pushed his stubborn bangs off his forehead. 

“Is Jaejoong really here?” 

I bit my lips. “Yes, he’s staying at the same hotel you stayed at last weekend. Do you want to meet him?” I bit my lower lip again when I saw him shake his head. His eyes were fixed on the blue blanket covering half of his body. “Do you want to talk to him? I can call him for you.” I continued asking. He shook his head again. 

“I miss my mom,” He mumbled. “I want to talk to her.” His dull gaze is now fixed to mine.

“Do you want to call her now?” I reach for my phone under the pillow. He seems to think over it for quite some time; but then again, he shook his head. “We’ll call her later in the morning, okay?” He nodded at my request.

“I dreamt about Junsu last night.” Yoochun reveals his dream. I’ve listened so much to his restless sleep. From all the unconscious rambling, I’ve heard so much that I can actually see why he didn’t want to meet Jaejoong. I’ve heard enough to make me believe that he does have special feelings for both Jaejoong and Junsu. I even caught confusing revelations about Ayden’s danger and Yoochun’s inferiority on being that child’s dad. His heavy sigh drags me back to reality. 
“Elle, I’m sleepy,” He looked at me with a weak smile adorning his feature. 

“Yeah, it’s still early. Get back to sleep.” I pull the blanket higher. He snuggles under the blanket like a cute child, smiling and blinking his heavy eyes weakly. 

“Can you hold me while I’m asleep?” He asked. My heart softens even more. I clasp my cold right palm over his warm eyes, shutting his eyes close and then cuddle closely to his warm body. “I always knew you didn’t hate me… Haha…” He permits a weak chuckle to leave his throat. 

“I still hate you, don’t you worry about it.” I joined him laughing as I heard him laugh some more. It had only been a few hours since the last time I heard his playful laughter. Now that I heard it again, I knew I’ve missed his laughter so much. 

I’m about to drift back to sleep when I heard him calling my name. “Yes?” I look up just to find his dark gaze already set in mine. There’s deep confusion etched within his gaze.

“What is it?” 

“What’s Ayden to you?” 

“Wh-what? Yoochun-sshi, what is this all about?” I want to move, to estrange myself from him, but I couldn’t as his arms still draped possessively all over me. 

“It’s a simple question. What do you think of Ayden, Elle?” There’s a really hard look in his expression, not suiting his weak state at all. “Answer me, Elle.” I stay in silence, trying to digest his question. “Please, Elle. Answer me.” His raspy voice and pleading eyes are tugging me to answer him nonetheless. 

“Yoochun-sshi, I love him. I care for him so much. I would give anything just to have a child like Ayden.” I let him place his hand on my cheek. There’s something flickering in his eyes. “Yoochun-sshi, what’s the matter?” It saddens me to see it. 

“You’ll do anything for him, right?” For a second I came to understand his worries. The urgency in his voice was clouding my own confusion until I came out with a promise that I didn’t know I could make. 

“Yes, I’ll do anything for Ayden. You know I will. Don’t worry too much. You’ll be just fine. He’ll be just fine. I promise.” 

Then, there’s an eerie silence hazing between us. We just looked at each other, not saying anything as I tried to digest what was actually going on in Yoochun’s mind. Out of nowhere he said, “Then, will you be my wife?” 

Gulp. Huh? Wh-What? I gasped for air; inhaling as much air as my lungs can afford to help me sort out what he had just asked me a second ago. I exhaled. Okay, I’m going to ignore that question. He’s not in his right mind right now. I’m more than 200 percent sure about that. We barely know each other. Who in their sane mind would ask a random girl to marry them? I wouldn’t! 

I leaned back, nuzzling to his warm torso, totally ignoring his previous nonsense question. Our feet entangled with each other under the blanket. The dim-lit room seems to be so cold all of a sudden despite the heat radiating from Yoochun’s feverish body. I smiled. It’s the second time we’re sharing a blanket. The first time was at the hotel on the sofa during that rainy cold night. 


“Hmm?” I saw his left hand making its way over my right one, weaving his long fingers in mine, grasping them weakly.

“Marry me, Elle?” 

“And why is that?” 

“Because I hate you, remember?” 

I heard him chuckling softly, almost sounding like a small scoff. I bet he rolls his eyes adorably. I closed my eyes. I am so not going to recall the ‘wedding proposal made by Yoochun while he’s being half-asleep induced by drug’ part later in the morning because if I do, I’ll die in regret for not saying ‘yes’. 

“You said you’ll do anything for Ayden.” 

“Yes, and that’s exactly what I’m doing right now.” I sigh deeply. “I’m stopping you from having to send him into sanatorium in the future for his depression; for having to watch us at each other’s throat every day.” 

“Each other’s throat, huh?” He chuckles funnily. I bet he’s thinking some perverse stuff involving each other’s throat. I rolled my eyes. 

“You know what I mean. We’ll kill each other within seconds.” 

“You just killed me, Elle.” 


“I never thought of marrying anyone before, and there you go, rejecting my proposal just like that… Haha…” His voice sounds genuinely amused though still raspy. He sounds sleepy. 

“It’s irrational. I don’t have to marry you to love Ayden. You should’ve known that.” 

There’s a long serene silence after I uttered what I’ve thought. I was about to slip away in my slumber when I heard him quietly calling my name. He said “Boku no soba ni ite” Then he went silent again for awhile. I’m half way to shutting my eyes when I heard him silently murmur, “Suki ni natte iino...?” I glance over, looking up at his sleeping face. I chose to ignore everything he has said this morning.

“I don’t know if I’m the one you would want to stay by your side, Yoochun-sshi…” I blinked away the drowsiness I felt as I thought real hard over his second recent question. “I don’t know if I even qualified to be liked by a person like you.” I closed my eyes. It’s more than impossible. 

I woke up when I felt small hands hugging my aching body from behind. I smiled. It must be Ayden. 

“Miss Elle, wake up…” Ayden beams as I open my eyes. He’s practically whispering to me as he noticed his daddy is still sleeping. 

“Morning, Ayden.” I rub away the sleep from my eyes, slowly moving Yoochun’s heavy arms from my body. I heard Ayden reply me in whispering tone. I bet my mom had told him to lower down his voice. He hugged me tightly when I manage to move away from his dad. I can’t help but to chuckle happily when I heard him squeal in delight as I drag him up on my lap. 

“Where’s grandma?” I let him rule out my messy hair. I felt a deep tinge of happiness as I saw Ayden was so focused on doing his job, ignoring my question. I turn my gaze over my watch. It’s already ten o’clock in the morning. 

What? I’m late for work!

Ayden seems to notice my panicking state as he held my face with both of his small hands and said, “Miss Elle, Grandma has called your boss telling him that you have a family emergency so you don’t have to work today.” Ayden whispered to me confidently. I exhale in relief after hearing that news. Thank god! Mom, I love you! 

“Is daddy okay already, Miss Elle?” He glanced over my shoulder to see his daddy’s sleeping form. I can perfectly see the sadness he felt, seeing his daddy lying weak like that. I placed my right palm over Yoochun’s forehead, wishing that fever to abate. 

“I think he’ll get better soon, Ayden. He’s not burning up like he did last night.” I let Ayden put his small palm over Yoochun’s forehead, imitating my action earlier. He nodded a couple of times, and then smiled a little, telling me that he’s happy by his dad’s health progress. 

“I hate it when he’s coughing like yesterday.” He snuggles into me, hugging me closely with his small arms. I silently questioned myself about the Park men’s hugging, snuggling and cuddling into me-habit when they’re feeling down or sick, not that I’m complaining, but they really do love to hug people, don’t they?

I think over Ayden’s confession. It struck me. “He has been like this before?” I questioned Ayden. I grasp both his shoulder, sitting him straight so that I can see his face. He nodded. “When?” I added. 

“Um, I’ve seen him like that twice. He even gets hospitalized, but he tells everyone that he’s just being too tired after their activities.” I tried to digest the new information Ayden was feeding me. 

“At what time did your dad supposedly take his medicine?” 

“Grandma already gave him his medicine this morning.” Ayden blinks his eyes a few times, staring at me while I frowned, trying to remember if I was awake when my mom went in the room. Damn, no... I can’t remember seeing my mom entering the room this morning, so my mom must’ve witnessed her daughter cuddling with an unrelated man this morning. It’s kind of weird because she didn’t scream at me for acting inappropriately, instead she sends Ayden to wake me up. 

I look at Yoochun. He’s no longer wearing the white shirt I made him wore last night. His sleeping pants had changed too. Man, I didn’t notice her being in the room at all. I must’ve sleeping like a goner! “I need to change.” I smile at Ayden’s sadden face. 

“Have you bathed?” I ruffle his dark locks. He giggles, nodding his head. “I stink! Your dad was making me sweaty all night.” I know it sounds perverse and silly, but I think Ayden understood what I meant because he replied me reasonably. 

“Of course, the doctor uncle said that his body temperature was over forty degrees! You were hugging him until morning. I’d be sweating like a pig too if I were you.” Ayden giggles at his answer. I widen my eyes as I heard his comment. Did he just compare me to a pig?

“Did you just compare me to a pig? Oh my goodness, Ayden!” I pouted offensively. It’s not that I felt offended by the way. 

Ayden giggles some more. “No Miss Elle. I didn’t mean it like that! Hahaha...” He laughs softly. I felt my lips twitching into a smile. “You smell like daddy!” Ayden kissed my cheek sloppily. I chuckled at his impulsive action. 

“So you are saying your daddy smells like a pig?” I purposely was playing Ayden. I lift my left eyebrow, challenging him. He huffed in frustration. 

“No! Aww... Miss Elle...” Ayden pouts his lips, batted his eyes—the best puppy eyes I’ve ever witnessed in my whole life! I laughed softly. I love this kid and will do anything for him. That actually includes marrying his daddy even though we don’t love each other. I’d do it to protect this little darling, but since I’ve decided to forget Yoochun’s nonsense request, I think I would like to think over the stuff I would and wouldn’t do for Ayden. 


“All of these?” I gulped over a huge lump in my throat as I look at the packets and weird liquids in bottles containing Yoochun’s medicine. I hate medicine. I recognize the blue packaging. They’re from Uncle Jeff’s clinic, but my gaze stopped as I saw foreign looking packets inside the big container. There were Korean words written all over them. They must be Yoochun’s from the Korean hospital or clinic. I saw another two packets with Japanese characters written on them. 

“Yes, it’s about time now.” My mom was filling a bowl with some homemade porridge.

“Mom, this medicine is not from Uncle Jeff’s” I wave a white packet that I recognized written with Yoochun’s name on it with Korean characters. “Is it safe to give these pills too?” I ask her. 
“What? Oh... Yes, your uncle said he must take those medicines too.” My mom answered.
“Really? And why is that?” I still can’t kill my curiosity.

“I’m not sure. Why don’t you call and ask him yourself later? Now, take those upstairs. Feed him first, and then make sure he takes all the medicine.” My mom orders me while placing the tray of porridge and water into my hands. I saw Ayden come around, helping me carry the big medicine container upstairs. 
“Grandma, I think daddy must be sick of taking all of this stuff everyday! Can’t we hide them somewhere? ” Ayden’s complaint strikes me hard. He’s taking those medicines every day? 

I froze on the spot. There’s something fishy about all of this. Jaejoong is so concerned over Yoochun, he even told Ayden to pay close attention to Yoochun. Yoochun on the other hand was looking so desperate and confused when it came to Ayden. He seems desperate, trying to sort out his life and Ayden’s. What is he trying to do? What is going on anyway? It seems to me he’s running desperately on the plane of time, chasing something. As a matter of fact, he doesn’t need to run away this far to Malaysia just to sort things out like he had told me before. He’s definitely hiding something. 

I pull out my phone from my right pocket, dialling Uncle Jeff’s number. I need an answer. Fast. Silently I pray to god that all of those pills and tablets were only vitamins and supplements. 


to be continued... i'm sux in making cliffhangers... haha!

on my way making another chapter... when will i end this story??? idk yet! i still love Ayden n wanna write more about him! hahaha~

review & comment dear readers! i love u more i if i can get to know who u are...! new chapters coming up soon...^__^ 

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