THE THING I MISSED THE MOST
Beta-ed by Skye Lin :)
He flipped his light brown fringe over his forehead and examined his face in the small mirror, trying to search for something wrong with his appearance. A frown appeared, causing a deep crease to form on his perfect forehead. He blinked several times.
“Eye bags... Ugh!” He rubbed his tired eyes that resulted from his lack of sleep for more than 48 hours. He had too many things to think over...
A deep voice snapped his focus away from the small mirror. “Oi, stop touching your face! You’ll start to get zits if you keep doing that!“
He rolled his eyes, obviously annoyed. “I’m perfect, nothing will happen to my skin you dumb...“. He started to smooth out the dark circles that started to look dreadful on his flawless porcelain skin.
“You need to rest,” The voice behind him stated, but he didn’t bother to respond. He stopped his inward cursing, hoping the guy who sat behind him would leave him alone. “I know you have not been sleeping properly since Yoochun was—“. At the mention of that name, he threw the mirror he was holding straight at the door, smashing it in one blow, perfectly shutting up the other guy.
He really didn’t need this now. He was tired and sleepy, but couldn’t manage to let himself rest because he had a painful clench deep in his heart, which lead to several hours lost in thought sessions.
“Yah! Jaejoongie—“Changmin came, rushing into the room after hearing the smashing sound. Jaejoong hadn’t been his usual self since Yoochun left them and was nowhere to be found. He was turning into a big pain in the ass.
The older guy lifted his right hand, stopping Changmin from getting in any further. “Stay out of this Minnie,” He said with a firm voice. Changmin gaped at Jaejoong’s strained voice. Something was definitely wrong. The ever cheerful Jaejoong looked deadly serious.
“Hyung, stop all this nonsense please...” His voice was almost sounded like pleading. Changmin felt his patience on this matter start to thin. He hated how his hyungs were changing for the worse and he really couldn’t tell when all of this fiasco started to happen. For all he knew, Yoochun suddenly ran away, Junsu had been more quiet than he ever had been, and Jaejoong was turning into a complete asshole. Though Yunho still acted like his usual self, the frequent bantering between him and Jaejoong was starting to get on Changmin’s nerves.
Yunho looked at Jaejoong with a heated expression. “Why can’t we say his name out loud near you? Tell us! Do you have anything to do with him running away?!” His angry voice sent shivers down Changmin’s spines. Yunho’s face was flushed with anger.
They were literally running in a circle. Changmin knew that Yunho knew Jaejoong would never answer those questions. “Leave me alone,” Jaejoong’s voice was quiet. His eyes were covered by his long bangs.
He sat on his bed, facing the empty space beside it. There, on the exact empty space three days ago was Yoochun’s bed. His eyes glanced over the window, the empty space beside his own white desk was where Yoochun always stayed up at night, finishing his lyrics or just surfing the net. All of it, the bed, the desk, the closet, was gone. He burned them all. His heart clenched with the same pained rhythm all over again.
“You are sick; you know that, don’t you?” Yunho’s voice still contained the same malice. He knew something was definitely wrong between Yoochun and the other two, and he knew the lawsuit had been hard on them, especially after the revelation of their private affairs, but this time, it seemed like it had nothing to do with the lawsuit and trials.
Changmin tried to come near Jaejoong when he saw the older guy’s shoulder start to shake, but Yunho grabbed his arm. A barely audible sob filled the half vacant room. Yunho shook his head, not allowing Changmin to make any protest. They stood there, watching Jaejoong’s hunched back shake wildly. His hands were grasping his short, soft hair with force, as if the action itself could suppress the frustration he was feeling at the moment.
“Jaejoong-hyung... Are you okay?” Changmin couldn’t hold himself back anymore. The sight was overwhelming him, and he hated when somebody cried like that. He felt helpless.
“Tell Junsu to stop playing it.” Jaejoong responded to Changmin’s question, causing the other two to look at each other with confusion. “Stop it! Stop that song!” Jaejoong started to clasp both of his palms over his ears. His face was flushed and tears were straining his cheeks.
“Shelter.” Yunho frowned at the faint sound coming from the next room. He listened intently to the melody. Junsu was playing “Shelter” with his keyboard, the Japanese single he made with Jaejoong and Yoochun for Jaechun’s Colors - Melody single album. Changmin realized it too after a while. The melody sounded sad. Lately, Junsu had been playing his keyboard more often than talking to the others.
Changmin moved closer to Jaejoong when he noticed Yunho was no longer restraining him from getting closer to him. “Hyung, you need to open up... Tell us—“His effort to straighten things up seemed to be a complete failure when Jaejoong cut him off with something more complicated as he said,
“I love him.” Yunho and Changmin’s expressions were unreadable. Confusion would be an understatement for it.
“What did you just say?” Yunho asked. He couldn’t believe that he had another gay member in his beloved group. This couldn’t be good, especially after all the mess storming with their reputation when Yoosu’s secret affair came out. The fact that Jaejoong loved one of them couldn’t be a good thing.
“Leave me alone, please...” Jaejoong laid on his right side, still not facing the other two flustered members. He just wanted to sleep and forget.
Changmin sat next to Jaejoong on the bed, clasping his right hand on Jaejoong’s left shoulder. “Hyung, who did you love?” he asked. Jaejoong did not reply him; his shoulder was still shaking from the silent sobbing. “You never made us feel like this before...You never made us worry... What happened hyung? You were never like this.” Changmin voiced out his worries. Jaejoong had always been the cheerful and bright one, along with Yoochun and Junsu. What had truly happened to make the three clowns fall to this state of misery had always been a mystery to both him and Yunho.
“Changmin, leave him alone. He needs his rest; he’ll open up eventually.” Yunho said, while heading to the door. He bent over the mess of glass on the floor by the door, picking up the pieces with his bare hands.
Changmin stood up and moved to the door. “I’ll clean it up Yunho-hyung. Leave it there. Just go check on Junsu-hyung, will you? He hadn’t been eating since yesterday and kept shutting himself in his room. I’m worried.” Changmin murmured his worries as he bent down next to Yunho. He spoke in a low voice, not wanting Jaejoong to hear him. Yunho nodded his head curtly after squeezing Changmin’s right shoulder as a sign of understanding.
Changmin took the black, small dust bin from under Jaejoong’s desk and started to pick up the glass pieces, throwing them all into the bin. He put all of his concentration on picking up the shattered mirror, marvelling at how the mirror did not shatter into a thousand small pieces, considering the loud sound it made when it was thrown at the door. His concentration broke when he heard Jaejoong’s soft voice murmuring “I hope Ayden’s alright. I’ll kill Yoochun if he underfed him!”
Changmin smiled at Jaejoong’s sudden outburst. “You miss Ayden, don’t you?” Changmin asked, earning a small sob from Jaejoong. Changmin couldn’t hold in his laughter anymore. “Jaejoong, you are one stupid bastard. How can you be so messed up if you’re only missing Ayden? We’re all missing him! I’m pretty sure Yoochun will take good care of him. Ayden’s his son after all.” Changmin laughed more when he saw Jaejoong bury his head under a big, fluffy pillow.
He knew something was still wrong with Jaejoong, but he did not want to force Jaejoong to telling him if he wasn’t ready. Missing Ayden couldn’t be the only reason for his latest ‘pain in the ass’ attitude. He was stressed over something more—something serious, like loving another guy...
Changmin knew Jaejoong had always been close to Ayden. Ever since that little kid invaded into their lives, Jaejoong practically acted as his second mother, after Yoochun’s mother. He spoiled that kid to his bones, reading to him whenever he got the chance, fed him, played with him and even tucked him in bed whenever Yoochun was getting home late from work or dating. Jaejoong had always been there for Ayden. Everybody knew Jaejoong was more attached to that kid than Yoochun was. The funny thing is, ever since Ayden moved in with Yoochun, Changmin had started to think that Jaejoong acted like he was Yoochun’s wife. Maybe the guy that Jaejoong loved was Yoochun. If that was true, then it would explain why Junsu and Jaejoong weren’t in good terms after Yoochun had gone missing.
“Hyung, you know where to find me when you are ready to open up. I hate seeing you like this. Give up the bad ass attitude, okay? It doesn’t suit you at all.” Changmin put the bin back to its original place and left his sobbing hyung alone.
Jaejoong moved the pillow out of his face and reached for his cell phone, browsing for Ayden’s photo he kept in it. He stared at the screen with a saddening smile. He sure missed that little one very much. “Ayden, be a little angel and look after your daddy, okay?” He clutched his phone to the left of his chest, as if wanting the Ayden in his phone to hear his heart beats.”I’m dead worried about him, Ayden... Take good care of him, please...” Jaejoong closed his eyes as they started to moisten up again.
He really did missed Ayden.
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To be continued...
To be continued...
Shelter- Composed &Written By Kim Jaejoong & Park Yoochun.
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