Jika terdapat sebarang cadangan, anda boleh menyatakan candangan anda di mana-mana entri yang dipos-lajukan di sini. Sebarang hasutan berunsur fitnah adalah tidak dibenarkan di sini.

Saturday, May 14, 2011


*A/N: Now i feel like sharing my old fanfics here in this blog... I'm deleting them from my Winglin account so... I think it's okay to put them here instead. Well, this is just a fiction. All the character’s behavior; what they do and think has nothing to do with the real time issue. I made this just to amuse some twisted mind especially Masfadzliza who requested me to write this fic down. Enjoy* :peace: 

The hallway was cold and empty. He liked it that way. He hated the fact that crowds had filled the morgue area. For once he hated camera flashes and people flooding him with questions. So he came down here where it was less occupied. No. It was vacant and quiet. Despite his indifferent exterior, his hands, they couldn’t stop trembling. His fingers were fidgeting - nails digging into his dampened palms. 

“Stop it.” 

An airy voice met his reddened ears as a pair of fine-looking hands grabbed both of his ice-cold ones. He couldn’t stop being restless. Indeed, he was still washed over with wave of panic and apprehension, the coldness of the poorly lit hallway diminishing the last bit of warmth he had within his lanky body. 

“Where is Yunho?” That airy voice continued to vibrate within his head. He tried to at least squeak an answer out of his numb throat, but he couldn’t. The flashy silver band wrapping the ring finger of that man’s left hand caught him off guard. A pang of grief swept over his clenching heart as he realized that those hands will never be able to touch Yunho ever again. He turned his gaze over that worried big eyes. 

“Hyung…” He could only utter that word. Warm tears drained down his visage, replacing his words. He saw a same stream of clear liquid starting to mar the perfect, dusty pale cheeks in front of him. He grabbed the older male in front of him into a bone crushing hug. His heart broke even more seeing that worried expression plastered all over Jaejoong’s figure.  

“Changmin-ah… Yah… Don’t cry like this… Where the hell is Yunho?” With a clearly shaking voice, Jaejoong tried to coax him into talking. He burst into another fit of tears. He just couldn’t say it. Jaejoong who seemed to understand his sadness just stayed still and let him drench his shirt with tears. After a whole five minutes of sobbing his heart out, finally Changmin spoke. “He’s dead…”

“Stop joking around Changmin…” Jaejoong hit the back of his shoulder hard. “Don’t play with such—” His breath hitched.

“Hyung! He’s dead! His car was found at the bottom of the cliff near the highway… He’s gone… Hyung…” sobbing, still, he tried to simply explain the whole situation to the crying Jaejoong. No response came from the older man. The sobbing sound had abruptly stopped. Jaejoong’s body seems to be too heavy all of sudden. “Hyung?” He shook the limp body. Jaejoong slowly slumped away from his grip, down to the tiled floor. “Jaejoong… ” The older man had apparently lost consciousness. He cradled that body in grief, hoping that someone, somehow would tell him that this was all a stupid prank or joke.


“Is this really the end of them? With their activities being suspended and then the trio signing a new contract with their Japanese management company as a new unit, I would say the sudden death of their leader was just the beginning of—“ 

He shut the TV off. He didn’t have the heart to listen anymore. It had been a week since the funeral of Jung Yunho. It felt like yesterday when Yunho had first flashed him his genuine smile. It felt like just a second ago that Yunho was screaming at him for being late. It felt just like recently had Yunho nagged at him for cooking too much for the five of them. He wiped his wet cheeks. He missed that man so much. He looked around his dark cold bedroom. There is nothing of Yunho’s remnant left there. They had been living separately for the past eight months. 

“How could I leave you alone with Minnie there, Yunho?” He sobs. “I should’ve at least tried—” He lost his words. Nothing could be fixed anymore. It was their desire. It was what they had wanted for the sake of their future.  It was based on what they had stood for. There was nothing he could try to do to change what the others had desired since he himself wishes the same. Wishes that came out of nowhere when they were all pushed to the edge of their limits.

“It was my fault… I missed him so much… So I invited him to my house… I thought maybe we could have a good chat and drink like old times…” 

He remembered how broken Yoochun was when he told him what had happen that night. The fragility of Yoochun’s voice was too much for him to handle at the moment. He has been avoiding Yoochun since that day. He did not blame his soul mate for whatever had happened to Yunho. He knows how affectionate Yunho was when it comes to Yoochun. Yunho spoiled that younger man more than he spoiled his own little sister. It was just the fact that Yoochun has had gotten the privilege to be the very last person on earth to ever talk to Yunho. That fact alone had brought an annoying irk to his selfish heart.  He envied Yoochun for being there before Yunho died, for having the opportunity to at least say goodbye to Yunho. He was mad at himself for being too egotistical and selfish. He should’ve at least stayed in touch with Yunho. What was left on him was loneliness. 

His phone vibrated within his left pocket. He sighed deeply as he saw the name appearing on the screen. “Yoochun-ah… Come to my house at eight… I’m cooking your favorites.” He answered shortly. The loneliness was killing him. He had lost one part of his soul; he couldn’t let the other three drift away just like that. 

He dialed another number, waiting for a while for the owner of that number to greet him with a usual cute remark. “Hyung…?” He smiled. He missed that voice so much. 

“Yah! Come to my house at eight… I’m cooking tonight… I missed you guys so much…” He had tears dwelling in his eyes already. He was the ‘Omma’ of their group… He should be the one holding them together when ‘Appa’ was not around… If God was planning to end his life today, that will be his last wish. He wanted nothing more.


He carved a winning smirk as his gaze met his watch on his right wrist. Thank God he wasn’t late. It was nearly thirty minutes past seven. He had planned to come earlier to help Jaejoong prepare the meals, but the goddamn traffic jam had kept him on the road longer than necessary. It had been a while since the last time they had dined together. He missed Jaejoong’s cooking very much. The idea of dining together like their old days made his insides jump in extreme giddiness. They were all meant to be together. He knew that by heart. Well, Yunho’s death had made him realize that he loved his hyungs more than anything in this world. Though without Yunho around, he hoped things would turn out better after this. 

His smirk changed into a frown as he noticed the front door was partially open. A strong peculiar smell was emitting from inside the house. “What the hell is Jaejoong hyung cooking?” Inwardly he made a query as his nose scrunched in disgust at the strong stench. Jaejoong’s house seemed to be quieter than it was supposed to be.

The door squeaked in disdain, polluting the quiet, calm without sound - night. What was this heartache coiling within him? He gasped for air to loosen up the pain, yet failed miserably. He smacked his left chest a couple of times, and then clasped his mouth and nose with his hands. The stench was somehow familiar. His eyes widened as he saw a tall dark figure standing right in the middle of the living room. 

He was about to enter the apartment when the figure screamed at him. “Changmin, stop right there! Don’t come in! Call the police!” That familiar voice was loud yet muffled. The dark figure came closer to him, pushing the door wide open just to reveal his covered face to his view. 

“Yoochun-hyung?” He saw how Yoochun’s eyes were wet with newly developed tears. “Why did I smell cooking gas?” He asked though deep at the back of his head he knew something has gone really wrong within Jaejoong’s house. He was taken aback as Yoochun dragged him away from the door and pulled him into his tight embrace. The older male started to shake in despair, his sobbing sound wrenching his throbbing heart.  

“We need to call the police…” Yoochun distanced his self from Changmin. His nose has gone red and runny. His eyes bawled out. Changmin could clearly smell the cooking gas’s stench all over Yoochun’s body. “Jaejoong-hyung is dead.” 

He felt his world freeze. Has someone thrown him to Pluto?


“Here Minnie… Drink this—“Junsu handed him a bottle of cold beer. “This will make you feel a lot better…” Junsu was obviously trying to coax him into talking. He just took the beer and sipped it little by little. 

“Don’t you want some, hyung?” Changmin finally gave up on being quiet and offered Junsu to share his beer. Junsu just shook his head and laid his head on top of Changmin’s lap on the comfortable sofa. 

“I’m tired…” Junsu closed his eyes. “Let me have some sleep...” He sighed heavily.

“Hyung… Are you okay?” He asked. Junsu seemed to be so different today. He heard the older male chuckle funnily. 

“I’m fine… I just need some rest…” Junsu replied. He was taken aback at Junsu’s relaxed attitude. Hadn’t they just buried Jaejoong that morning? How could Junsu be that calm? He sipped more. Maybe Junsu was just as heartbroken as he was… maybe Junsu just didn’t want to make a big deal of it. Maybe. He sighed. Nothing made sense anymore. 

He downed his beer until the bottle was empty and tossed it aside onto the side table. He grimaced as the taste of it numbed his taste buds. He pulled Junsu’s limp body closer to him just to examine the angelic visage of sleeping Junsu intently. Junsu hasn’t been crying at all during the funeral. It freaked the hell out of him when the usually sensitive Junsu wasn’t showing much emotion. He pushed a few strands of dark bangs covering his hyung’s forehead absentmindedly. 

“Minnie… Aren’t you hungry?” Mrs. Park’s voice soothingly swept into his ears from his right side. The familiar motherly scent of her made his stomach tingle in weird way. Maybe he should be home with his own mother right now. He shook his head, not having the appetite to eat anything at the moment. “His mother called just now… Junsu hasn’t eaten anything since yesterday,” Mrs. Park had her hand on Junsu’s head, touching Junsu’s temple with such love. He looked up at her; she had her eyes glassy with pool of unshed tears.  

“Ommunyi…” He pulled her into an awkward embrace. “We lost Yunho and Jaejoong…” He spoke. His voice sound so dead. He didn’t have the heart to cry anymore. Everything seemed blurry at the moment. It was rather confusing to lose two brothers within one week period. He felt Mrs. Park nod in agreement against his hug. 

She pecked the side of his head lovingly to comfort him and said, “You still have Junsu and Yoochun for you to look after, Changminnie…” She smiled as she sat herself next to him, both of her hands on his cold ones. “Live for yourself… It is the least you can do for Yunho and Jaejoong, dear…” She squeezed his hands assuringly. The heaviness in his heart lifted for a bit after hearing those comforting words from that older woman. He turned his gaze to meet hers. He saw the same pain within Mrs. Jung and Mrs. Kim’s eyes featured in hers. Perhaps, she loved them as much too.

Mrs. Park is Yoochun’s mother - she is their mother too. They were all sharing mothers. So, unashamedly he sobbed his tears on Mrs. Park’s left shoulder. He needed to get everything out of his system right away before he lost his mind. He grasped Junsu’s limp right hand tightly as he felt the loneliness once again starting to overwhelm him. He was trying to find something to hold on to. He couldn’t lose any of his brothers anymore.

After a while, his sobbing sound finally receded and was replaced by a long silence. Mrs. Park broke the pregnant silence by blurting something that he perfectly aware of. “Something is not right with Yoochun, Changminnie…” He wiped his wet face using the back of his hands before releasing a deep sigh. He perfectly understood what Mrs. Park was trying to say. Park Yoochun wasn’t his self at that moment. The sudden deaths and funerals had caused people to change in some weird ways. 

“Where is he, Ommunyi?” He asked.

“At the balcony,” she answered shortly. But after a few second she continued “He sobered a bit this morning for the funeral, but he’s been drinking and smoking all night… He refused to talk to me and Yoohwan…” Again, she sighs. “He’s never acted like this towards the both of us before…”

“He’ll be fine, Ommunyi…” He partially lied. He knew nothing could cure their wounds. He moved Junsu’s sleeping body onto the sofa and made his way to the balcony.


“All of us should be dead!” Yoochun spat. His cheeks were crimson in color, contrasting his pale visage. His eyes were red - burning with some sort of unknown anger. “We deserve to die!” He downed another glass of wine. The momentary mist of cigarette smoke that was polluting the balcony was suddenly blown away by a strong gust of wind. “Jaejoongie… I hope you are happy now!” Yoochun screamed.  “Oh the same goes for you Yunho... You deserve to die!” Again, he spat his words in anguish. Much to Changmin’s astonishments, there were no tears marring Yoochun’s face though.

“Hyung… Stop this nonsense!” He tried to grab the wine bottle from Yoochun’s hand yet failed miserably as Yoochun downed the whole bottle in one go and threw it down from the balcony. He dragged Yoochun into the living room as he saw flickering flashes coming from across the street. Inwardly he cursed those stalkers and paparazzi for not leaving them alone at moment like this. Yoochun kept on rambling nonsense stuff about death and how they were all should be burn in hell for leaving each other’s side— 

Okay… The latter hurt him to his very core. “What do you mean, huh?!” He snapped at the halfway drunk Yoochun. Yoochun and Jaejoong always had a high tolerance for alcohol, so he knew Yoochun was nowhere near completely drunk since he had only drank two or three bottles of wine.

“What?!” Yoochun suddenly looked astoundingly sane to Changmin as he walked steadily towards him and stared right into his eyes. “Am I saying anything wrong?” Yoochun asked. Their faces were merely a couple of centimeters apart. He could feel Yoochun’s heavy breath on his skin. “This is the end, Minnie…” Yoochun smirked. “We had left each other’s side for our own benefit before… How noble is that?” He let out a deep amused chuckle. “There is no way we could turn back after that, Minnie…” Yoochun moved away and started to head back to the balcony. What the hell did Yoochun mean? 

“Hyung! What the hell is that suppose to mean?! For our own benefit? You are fucking kidding me if you dare to talk about any of us like that!” He couldn’t believe his ears. How could Yoochun ever say something like that? Yoochun of all people should understand and know the real reason for them to be apart… “We have our own belief, hyung… We have our own stands… We had discussed this thing thoroughly—“

“Really?” That man cut him off. “Aren’t we just a bunch of selfish bastards?” Yoochun gave out a deep sigh. “When you think it over, Changminnie… We deserve to die… We betrayed each other—” a single tears trickled down Yoochun’s cheek. He seemed broken. But he didn’t let the tear stay long as he wiped it off almost immediately with his palm. He looked miserable.

“You are not in your right mind… We did not—“

“Yunho and Jaejoong-hyung… They deserved to die like that…” Yoochun nods his head as if he has gone mental. “Don’t you think it’s cool?” A crazy resilience was glazed upon his gaze. It scared the crap out of Changmin. 

“What is cool?” He was dumbfounded by Yoochun’s inquiry. 

“Yunho-hyung died in a car accident… If it was an accident…” Yoochun mumbled the latter, yet it was loud enough for Changmin to hear him. “He always wanted to look cool and sporty and manly… He deserved to die in a car crash! Ahahhahaha!!!” Yoochun’s laughter eerily snapped Changmin’s heart. “And Jaejoongie… Man… If he could choose the place, I bet he would want to die in that kitchen! It was his heaven! He must have felt lucky to be able to die in his Zen! Ahahaha!” A sudden stupid idea resolved in Changmin’s head. 

“Isn’t that cool, Minnie?” Yoochun asked, a smirk carved on his pale face. What the hell had Yoochun done?

“What were you doing at Jaejoong’s place that early?!” Changmin asked suspiciously. Yoochun ignored his query by walking away towards a small bar located at the edge of the room. 

“YAH! ANSWER ME!!! ARE YOU THE ONE RESPONSIBLE FOR THEIR ACCIDENTS?!!” He shouted at the top of his lungs when he saw Yoochun’s smirk starting to turn to twist into a wide amused smile. His eyes were still focused on the wine bottles arranged on the counter. “DID YOU KILL YUNHO AND JAEJOONG?!!!” His voice turned dangerously murderous as Yoochun kept ignoring him.

“I was there to kill him?” Yoochun chuckles, his query seem to nail Changmin on his spot. He grabs a wine glass and bottle from the counter and starts to pull the cork off the bottle. “I’ve been thinking about killing him for— ouff!!!“ 

He didn’t get the chance to finish his sentence as Changmin lunged towards him with full force, knocking him down onto the cold marbled floor. The sound of glass shattering on the tiled floor littered the expansive room. Changmin gave him more than a dozen of punches, right on the both sides of his hyung’s face. 

“YOU ARE THE ONE LEAVING ME AND YUNHO ALONE!!!” He screamed. Blood was splattering everywhere as Yoochun had his nose broken. Surprisingly Yoochun didn’t even make a noise as Changmin beat him into a bloodied pulp. 

“Yoochun!!! Changmin!!!” Mrs. Park’s voice echoed through the room, causing Changmin to stop from doing any further damage to Yoochun’s face. His right hand hung in the air; halfway to meeting Yoochun’s bruised jaw. “What is going on here?” Mrs. Park rushed towards them yet stopped her strides as Yoochun pushed Changmin off his body and straddled the younger male and started pounding Changmin’s face with same angry strike.

“YOU WERE THE ONE THAT LEFT US!!!” He growls angrily and beat Changmin some more with all his might.

“Oh my God, Yoochun!!! Stop it!!!” Mrs. Park tried to pull Yoochun off Changmin’s body in order to stop this nonsense but failed. Yoochun has gone crazy. “Yoohwan!!! Help me!!!” She screamed for Yoohwan. Her strength was no match for Yoochun’s angry tantrum. 

“Mum?” Yoohwan came hurrying onto the scene. He gasped as he saw how messy things had gotten. Yoochun and Changmin were both trying to kill each other. Well, it seemed like his brother was the one trying to kill Changmin as he saw how hard Yoochun pounded on Changmin’s face. “Hyung! Let go of him!” Yoohwan finally managed to pull Yoochun’s heaving body off Changmin’s bloodied one. 

“Let go of me!!!” Yoochun growled in madness. Yoohwan had his hands both locked at his back. He groaned in frustration. 

“Changmin… Changmin… Are you alright?” Mrs. Park shook Changmin’s still body. Apparently, he had lost his consciousness. “Changminnie… Oh my god… He’s not breathing!” She panicked. Slowly, she placed her fingers at the side of his neck, trying to find his pulse. Her blood froze as she felt none of it. 

“No… No..!” She hugged Changmin’s limp body tightly. She cried painfully as a new realization hit her hard.

“Mum?” Yoohwan let Yoochun’s hands go and knelt by his mother’s side. “Let’s get him to the hospital.” Yoohwan’s voice shook. He pulled out a cell phone from his right pocket and called the ambulance. 

“Minnie?” Yoochun seemed to be lost. His confusion was clearly etched all over his bloodied figure. “Why isn’t Minnie moving, Omma?” Yoochun asked. He tried to get close to Changmin and his mother, yet he got scolded by her.

“Don’t you dare come near him!”

“Omma… I didn’t mean—” He lost his words as he saw the disappointment marring his mother’s face. 

“Yah! Changmin?!” A husky high pitch voice swept over his ears. It was Junsu. “Yoochun! What have you done?!” 

“Junsu-ya… I—” He would have liked to answer Junsu’s query, yet he fell to his knees as his eyes seemed to be blurry. The next thing he knew, his world turned pitch black.


He stood still, inhaling the cold breeze from the top of the building. It had been 48 hours since he lost another brother. He closed his eyes. He never wanted this. Stuff that has happened all this while had pushed him into doing all of that unmentionable madness. He turned his head to the right, just to meet the gaze of his last living member. That man was leaning against the rail at the edge of the rooftop; shaking and ranting incoherently. Well, obviously that man was unknowing of his whereabouts.

“You will not be alone, brother… We will all be back together… Soon…” He whispered. He sighed as the memory of that night where he talked to Yunho about only death could make them be back together replayed on its own.

“I want us to be together again” He told Yunho that. Yunho seemed to be lost in a deep thought before responding to him. Yunho downed his soju and shook his head.

“It’s hard to be able to do that… Not now…”

“You didn’t try hard enough, Hyung!”

“I did! I’d trade anything in this world just to get you guys back!”

“No you didn’t!”

“I did—”

“Then why don’t you leave SM and come with us?!”

“Why don’t you stay here with us then?!”

They were both sighing. The conversation was getting nowhere.

“I know a way, Hyung…”

“Yeah? What is it?”

“Let’s die together” He remembered how Yunho laughed that night at his perfect idea. 

“Yeah? Kill me then…” Yunho replied. 

“I will, Hyung…” He smiled.

“Make it fast and cool, okay?” He laughed at Yunho’s request.

The sound of metal handrail being knocked by something hard snapped him back into reality. That man on the other side of the rooftop was crying his eyes out while hitting the rail with his bare hands. He wondered if it hurt.

“Yah… Help me cut the veggies!” He heard Jaejoong’s airy happy voice resonate within the kitchen. 

“You do it! I’m bad at cutting—“

“I accidentally knocked my hand with a mixer just now! It hurts! You help me cut them!” Jaejoong shoved a sharp knife in front of him and lay it down onto the counter. He saw Jaejoong’s left hand had a purplish bruise.

“Does it really hurt?” He asked.

“Mmhmm…” Quietly Jaejoong stirred the stew. Not bothering to turn his back to look at him anymore.

After a long moment of silence, he asked. “Hyung, do you believe in Heaven?”

“Yes… Why do you ask?” Jaejoong put some tofu into the bubbling stew and stirred more.

“Can we be together with the one we love in heaven?” He continued asking while cutting the carrots into thin strips.

“Of course…”

“But we have to die first to be in heaven!”

“Ahahaha! Yes… That is a must!” Jaejoong laughed funnily.

“Hyung… Is dying a painful experience?”

“What? Urm… I don’t know… Maybe…” Absentmindedly the older male replied him.

“Would you mind dying if it meant for you to be together with the one you love?”

There was a long pause coming from Jaejoong. He must have been thinking profoundly. “I think so…” Jaejoong smiled genuinely. “Yes… I’d do anything just to be together with the one I love…”

“Do you love us, Hyung?” He put the knife down onto the counter and reached for Jaejoong’s waist. He hugged the older man from behind. He placed his head over Jaejoong’s right shoulder. He heard Jaejoong sigh heavily. Jaejoong’s hands were warmly grasping his hands.

“I love you all more than my life…”

“I love you too, Hyung…” He moved his right arm over Jaejoong’s arms, embracing him from behind so that all of Jaejoong’s were trapped in between him. He heard the older male sigh contently at the warmth.

He pulled out a handkerchief from his back pocket. ”Let’s meet again in Heaven, hyung…” He covered Jaejoong’s mouth and nose with it. 

“Hmmph!!!” Jaejoong tried to fight him, yet the chloroform had done its miracle and made Jaejoong lose his consciousness within seconds. The older man slumped back onto his chest, slowly buckling and falling onto the floor.

“I’m sorry, Hyung… Wait for me… I will be there soon…” He wiped his tears off and turned all the stove burners on without igniting them. The gas should kill Jaejoong without any pain any moment. 


“Yoochun! Where are you?!” His mother yelled through the telephone. “Come home… I’m worried about you…” His mother started to beg. His knees buckled as his heart weakened by her pleading voice. She must be dead worried about him.

“I don’t want to go home!” He replied to his mother with the same yelling tone. The only difference is he could sense his mother’s worries and his voice must have sounded cold and heartless. “I killed Changmin… I don’t want to be jailed!” He sobbed his latter thought. He saw so many policemen gathering at the base of SME building. He saw them all from above the rooftop. 

“Yoochun, listen to me… You might have beaten him, but you did not kill him! The autopsy shows that Changmin was poisoned! You did not kill him!” There was a desperation weaving his mother’s voice. Poisoned? He pondered upon that information. 

“You’re lying… It’s impossible—”

“Yoochun… Honey… Come home… Those policemen aren’t going to hurt you… You are not well… You need help… Come home… Okay?” He knew his mother was just trying to persuade him into surrendering. And he would not do that. It’s better to join the ‘Dead Dong Bang Shin Ki Club’ than be stuck in jail, regretting the day he murdered his innocent dongsaeng. He should be burnt in hell for that.

“Omma… I’m sorry… I can’t…” He switched his phone off and threw it down the building. It took fifteen seconds for that white thing to hit the jagged roadway and crash into pieces. He wondered how long it would be for his body to hit the same pavement. 

“You didn’t kill Changmin, Yoochun…” A familiar husky voice greeted him all of sudden. 

“Junsu-ya…” His heart dropped down as he saw Junsu’s form standing right behind him. Junsu leaned against the white wall, his gaze set upon his swelling eyes with such anxiety. For Junsu to look at him with such resentment, he must have looked so pathetic.

“I did.” Junsu sadly smiled. A single tears streamed down his left cheek.

“Wh-what?” He couldn’t believe his ears. He might have been a bit drunk, distressed and confused… But Junsu’s confession seemed to be a little bit too much of a joke for him to believe. 

“I killed Jaejoong and Yunho-hyung too…” Junsu wiped his tears off miserably. 

“You are joking, right?” His brows furrowed in confusion as he tried to digest the new revelation. Junsu shook his head and moved closer to Yoochun. “How… Man… How could you?!” He yelled, both of his hands were clutching to Junsu’s collar. Junsu let out an amused-sounding chuckle.

“Weren’t you the one beating up Changmin like you were about to kill him that night he died?” Junsu asked. Yoochun lost his tongue to answer Junsu. “Didn’t you always agree with me that the only way to stay together is through death?” Junsu sneered as Yoochun shook his head violently in opposition of his suggestion. Everything that had happened was somehow as clear as day to Yoochun. 

“I never meant it that way, Junsu-ya…” His voice had gone soft, almost sounded like pleading to Junsu’s ears. “I do agree with you that we were all making mistakes and being too selfish… We hurt everybody around us… A certain part of us is betraying Yunho and Changmin yet we felt betrayed by them too…” He placed both of his hands at the side of Junsu’s jaw, gaze set upon Junsu’s wet eyes. “I do feel that we deserve to burn in hell, Junsu-ya… But not by really killing them!” He shook his head, his eyes filled with bitterness. “Please tell me this is just a stupid joke… You didn’t kill them, right?” Yoochun pleaded. 

“I had to kill them…” Junsu’s voice sounds so raspy. “We have to stay together… We can’t disband… I can’t take it!” He pushed Yoochun’s hands away.

“Junsu, we were not disbanding!” He yelled. “We were just taking a time out! We might have acted selfishly stupid towards each other, but you of all people should know that one day we would have been together again!”

“When is that going to happen?!” Junsu grasped the front of Yoochun’s shirt, holding to it as if he was going to be pulled down by the gravity if he ever let go. “The fans… Do you know how they had suffered because of us?!” He was screaming his voice out. His face was turning as red as rubies as the anger pulsed through him. “I can’t give them any more false hope, Yoochun…”

“It is not a false hope!—“

“It is!” Junsu cut him off with another yell. “I’d die without all of you by my side! I’d rather have us be remembered by them as the one that sticks together till the end than being memorized as a group that disbands! We’d eventually kill our fans and ourselves if that really happens, Yoochun!” 

Yoochun lost his words. He couldn’t believe that Junsu could have thought about the whole situation in that way. “You are being selfish, Junsu… You have no right to take any lives—”

“I love all of you… I did… I just want all of us to be together again… If all of us die, SM can’t tear us apart! Can’t you understand that?”

“I want us to be together too… But not this way!” Yoochun grabbed Junsu’s shoulder. “Don’t you love them?” He asked. The idea of Junsu having the heart to hurt any of them was killing him. “We might be away from each other at the moment… But we were all still by your side, Junsu-ya… Yunho and Changmin, they didn’t really leave us… And Jaejoong and I are always by your side...” He tried to make Junsu understand how wrong he was.

Yoochun let out a gasp as he felt something poking his abs. Junsu had a gun in his right hand, painfully poking at his mid section. He knew that gun. Junsu has been using it for their Wrong Number performances. It was a fake.  “Are you planning to kill me too, Junsu-ya?” Carefully he asked. 

Junsu shook his head. “No, Yoochun… I’m ending my life here today… I promised Jaejoong that I’ll meet him soon…I don’t want to make him wait for me much longer...“

“No! Junsu! No… You can’t do this to me! Please… I beg you… Don’t leave me alone, Junsu-ya!” He begged Junsu. The idea of being left alone in this world was too much for him to bear. 

Junsu shook his head. “Come with me, then?” He suggested. “That way we will all stay together forever, Yoochun…” 

“I… Junsu…” Yoochun was trapped between his wants. He didn’t want to be left alone. Maybe to die was the last definite option that he had. 

“It’s not painful to die… Well, not to you... I guess…”

“What is that suppose to mean?”

“You are not exactly drunk… You were actually high… I drugged you…”

“What?” No wonder he felt numb and confused.

“Your wine, I drugged every bottle…” Junsu didn’t look like he was proud of what he had done. “Just like I poisoned Changminnie’s beer…”

“How could you?” Yoochun sighed. “So you really had planned to kill me too huh?”

“Hmm… I loved you the most, Yoochun… I wished for you to have a painless death…” Junsu still had that fake gun pointed at his abs. 

“You can’t kill me using that gun, Junsu…”

“I know that… But nobody knows about it… Even the police…” Junsu smiled. He motioned his head towards the exit door. Somehow there were a bunch of strangers coming out from it with guns pointed towards them.

“Put that gun down, Kim Junsu!” An officer command Junsu to do so, yet Junsu did the opposite by pulling Yoochun’s body close to him and pointing the gun at the side of Yoochun’s head.

“Junsu, stop this! They will kill you!”

“I hope they will, Yoochun-ah” Junsu smiled.

“Wh.. What?” Yoochun was once again caught in confusion. Wouldn’t it be better if they both died because of suicide rather than being shot dead by the police?

“I know I’m wrong for hurting all of you… But I also knew that was the only way… I deserve a painful death, Yoochun…” Junsu hugged him tightly using his left hand from behind, his right hand still pointing the gun to his head. “I need to clean the sins I’ve made… That way I’ll be able to see all of you in heaven…”

“Junsu! It’s not that simple!—“

“Let’s die together, Yoochun?”

“Kim Junsu! Put that gun down or we’ll shoot you!” That officer gave out his warning.

“Junsu! Stop this nonsense!” A middle aged man in gray suit, Kim Young Min, that heartless bastard from SME board members suddenly appeared from nowhere. “I know everything you’ve been plotting! You are planning to drag SME down with you huh?!” He sneered. “Well, that’s not going to happen! Let Yoochun go or I’ll make sure you’ll get punished!” His words oozed with definite threat.

Junsu let out a chuckle. “Really?” He knowingly laughed more in astonishment at Kim Young Min’s audacity. “You of all people are the main reason why I did what I did! You and the other bastards in the company kept using us as pawns to get what you wanted… I want you to remember that you and your so called friends had pushed us to this limit!” Junsu’s voiced seriously. “You tore us apart…”

“Junsu, let’s talk about this over… Okay? I don’t wanna lose you…” Yoochun pleaded. His heart skipped a beat as he realized how Junsu had dragged him step by step to the edge of the rooftop. They could fall any moment now.

“I’m sorry Yoochun, but I have to do this…” Yoochun’s eyes widened in realization when he heard the gun click. Junsu was really going to end all of this right at that moment. Everything went so fast after that. The policeman was screaming an order that he barely took notice of what it meant and his own voice screaming about Junsu holding a fake gun to stop those police from harming Junsu. 

He heard nothing after that but a low groan coming from Junsu… He saw nothing other than a splash of crimson blood splattering in front of him, wetting the side of his head and his left shoulder…. And he felt nothing other than Junsu’s hand loosen down and his body was brashly dragged by Junsu’s arm backwards down the high building. 

He was falling.

“Jaejoongie… Changminie… Yunho… Junsu-ya…” He called out their names tenderly. “Wait for me… I’m coming for you too…” He closed his eyes. 


“Your son was not committing suicide, ma’am—” She chewed her lips as she heard that confirmation. There must be an explanation for what had happen to her dear son. It was possible for him to kill himself off after one hell of a month. He had lost everything he loved - Dong Bang Shin Ki.

“He was suffering Central Sleeping Apnea for almost three years ma’am…” Dr. Kang informed her. She was bound in confusion. What was the doctor talking about? Is that some kind of disease or what? The woman in front of her seemed to notice her confusion as she continued her explanation. “In Central Sleep Apnea, the effects of sleep alone can remove the brain's mandate for the body to do what the body should do... Breathing for example… At worst; central sleep apnea may cause sudden death…”

“And that is what had happened to my son?” She asked. Her voice shook.

The doctor nodded her head. “He forgot to breathe while he was sleeping…” Dr. Kang had her hand placed on top of the older woman’s cold one. “Excessive amount of stress may lead Sleeping Apnea to happen and I have to tell you, your son was on his final stage…”

“Things that happening to him lately… The sudden death of his group members… That may explain why—” Her breathe hitched. She can’t continue her words. No matter how hard she denied that fact, this time, she had lost her son. 

“Ma’am… Are you alright?” Dr. Kang voiced out her concerns. She just nodded a couple of times and stood up. “Thanks, Dr. Kang...” She swiped away her tears using the back of her hand and walked away. 

She remembered. It was a very cold morning...

“Mum!” Yoohwan came running into the kitchen. “Yoochun-hyung is still asleep!” Yoohwan smiled in happiness. She too, smiled at that information. 

“Let him be… I bet he’s tired of staying up awake and composing songs for three days straight…” She served Yoohwan some sandwiches and milk over the kitchen counter.

“Mum… I’m glad that he’s still alive…” Yoohwan hugged her lovingly from behind. She just nodded in agreement. Yoochun had fallen down the building along with Junsu’s dead body yet the police managed to save Yoochun by placing a net in between SME building and another building across the road, therefore saving him from being severely injured.

“But still, I think we’d better take him to the psychiatrist, Mum… He’s not doing really well, right?” Yoohwan suggested. “I’m afraid he might stay in depression and become worse than his present state…” She understood Yoohwan’s concerns. Ever since Yoochun lost all of his best friends, he had never acted the same… It was like he was forgetting on how to act like a normal person… He didn’t really talk, sleep or eat. And the worst thing was her son had forgotten how to smile. He kept himself busy with composing numerous songs nonstop. 

“Let’s take him out today?” She made a suggestion.

“Hmm… Okay… I’ll wake him up at 10?”

“No, I’ll wake him up later…” She smiled at her youngest boy. “Now eat your breakfast…”

It was indeed a very cold morning…

“Aigoo… Your room is like the arctic!” She pulled the heavy curtains away to let some light shine into the dark cold room. She froze when Yoochun didn’t even move a muscle or groan at the sudden light invading his room like he always did.

“Yoochun…” She pulled Yoochun’s blanket off his son’s form. “Honey… Wake up… It’s nearly noon…” She pushed away stubborn bangs covering her son’s pale visage. When her fingers meet the cold skin on Yoochun’s forehead, her heart skipped a beat. His lips weren’t his usual pink color. They were bluish. 

“Yoochun! Wake up!” She shook Yoochun’s cold body vigorously. Tears start to pool in her eyes. She slapped his face a couple of times, yet no response came from her dear son. She put her left ear on top of the left side of his chest and heard nothing beating there. “Yoochun! Honey… Don’t do this to me! Open your eyes!” She noticed that Yoochun was no longer breathing. He had no pulse either. She tried to do CPR in order to revive her eldest son, yet failed.

Shakily she pulled out her phone and called for help. “Hello, its Park Yoochun’s residence! My son is not breathing! Help me! Please!!!” She yelled in desperation. She grabbed his hands in despair; slowly realizing that there was nothing she could do other than lett him go. She noticed that he was holding a piece of wrinkled paper. She stiffened up her quivering lips and pulled the paper out of Yoochun’s cold hand. 

“Guys, I miss you…” That was all that was written on it. The rest was just streams of never ending music notes scribbled messily.

“Baby… Sleep well…” She held his cold body tightly in her embrace, rocking him lovingly though her heart broke into pieces to ever let her beloved son go.

A honk coming from a car snapped her back into reality. “Yoochun, Omma hopes you’re happy now… Omma wishes for all of you to be happy…” She smiled though it hurt. 


Is this real enough for you
You were so confused
Now that you've decided to stay
We'll remain together
You can't abandon me
You belong to me
Breathe in and take my life in you
No longer myself only you
There's no escaping me, my love
Darling, there's no sense in running
You know I will find you
Everything is perfect now
We can live forever
You can't abandon me
You belong to me
Breathe in and take my life in you
No longer myself only you
There's no escaping me, my love
Breathe in and take my life in you
No longer myself only you
There's no escaping me, my love



thanks Robin (13eyond @ Season of Mists) for your time and hard work beta-ing this fic <3

photo credit: as tagged

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